i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
