you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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