I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
