He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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