I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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