i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
