I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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