I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
