Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
