I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
