i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
