I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
