accomplished twins. life is a go
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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