i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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