i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
