Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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