Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
