I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
