Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
