Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
