3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
