Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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