i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I will pee on everything he values.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize