Im at strip club and am horny
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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