I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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