i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
