Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
