2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
