I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
