would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
