i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
