He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
