sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
