I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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