I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
