i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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