I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
