I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
