over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize