So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
