Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
