We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
