I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
