whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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