just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
