It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize