Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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