I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
