The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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