how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
