He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
