I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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