May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My vagina is officially offended.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
