I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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