you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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