Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize