it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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