Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
