what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
