so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
