you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
