I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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