I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
even my farts smell like vagina
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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