i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize