for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
