Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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