what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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