woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
