i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
