Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
