I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sorry about my life...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize