I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
