dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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