took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
