sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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