my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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