so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize