it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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