definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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