4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
