the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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