trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
