She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
they're like a gay fantastic four
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
