9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
