the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize