party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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