you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
