went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i out mim tonsoeep
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