tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
