first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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