Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
